God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
.
Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were
naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the
Garden of Eden .....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they
didn't have cars.
.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his
kids was kind of a Ham.
.
Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some
other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top
Ten Commandments, like humor thy father and thy mother.
Then there was David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.
He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My
teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New.
He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. I wish I had been born in a barn too,
because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a
barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.'
Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so
evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
.
-Author Unknown
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